January 1914

Thursday, 1st January 1914
Illat Hill
I was awake at the dawn of the New Year. Our New Year began with unpleasantness as a letter was found written to Bil by Mani full of complaints against us - Wicked boys! Sil & Shanta are at Cannanore, & Heera & girls at Mahe where Prasad too is gone to. Had cards from Sil at Palghat, Devika at Madras, Lucy Kallat & Mrs Ramunni. Aunt K came from K House. Uncle is behaving shamefully towards us all. Mother is full of forebodings for the New Year. Sr J came. Father visited late. I wonder if this year will hold any happiness for me. Pray God will bless Illam and its members this year.
Lively at night. Wrote to Devika.

Friday, 2nd January 1914
Gave Parvathi a Ravaka as a birthday gift. Prasad pledged jewels and received Rs 100 from bank from which Rs 50 was sent to Br Kumaran. Mother owes Rs 400 to Bank alone. I spent an idle day. Janavi & I have drifted apart after New Year night’s incident. Was in a sullen mood at evening hearing hints being passed about my laziness. My head aches badly and I feel sadly at my fate. We had stew and Orotti for tiffin. Boys busy playing cards tonight. Prasad returned by Mail from Mahe. Took no dinner.

Saturday, 3rd January 1914
M.C. early last night. From 9 to 1 O’clock I had severe womb pain and could eat nothing. Fomented and lay in bed. Was better in the afternoon and took rice, bread and coffee.
Reading “Peeps at many lands of the world.” Boys very noisy. I was in a temper today. Sr J comes here often in the day when she goes to her Parambu. The kitchen, bath and store rooms are being built. Was dreaming on rocking chair. Dined at 8.30. Severe pain after nightfall.

Sunday, 4th January 1914
Had a bath early. Our kitchen is being levelled and cooking was done in the lower kitchen causing inconvenience to all. Grandma visited. Her latest fad is seeking help from Mr Harrison’s people. Uncle is ominously silent. Br S is come to Sr J’s and visited us. Finished hemstitched hankerchief for Janavi. Father visited late and is keeping bad health. Dread to think of the hubbub when Sr L, Heera and children return.

Conji
Monday, 5th January 1914
Early morning a cup of coffee, Conji at 10, breakfast at 2, a cup of coffee at 5 and dinner at 8 or 9 pm - these are our present meals – all rice and nothing else. Poor Edam folks! Spent the day stitching kerchief and reading “Peeps at the world.” Boys very noisy. I was in a temper today. Sr J comes here often in the day when she goes to her Parambu. The kitchen, bath and store rooms are being built. Was dreaming on rocking chair. Dined at 8.30. Severe pain after nightfall.

Sunday, 4th January 1914
Had a bath early. Our kitchen is being levelled and cooking was done in the lower kitchen causing inconvenience to all. Grandma visited. Her latest fad is seeking help from Mr Harrison’s people. Uncle is ominously silent. Br S is come to Sr J’s and visited us. Finished hemstitched hankerchief for Janavi. Father visited late and is keeping bad health. Dread to think of the hubbub when Sr L, Heera and children return.

Monday, 5th January 1914
Early morning a cup of coffee, Conji at 10, breakfast at 2, a cup of coffee at 5 and dinner at 8 or 9 pm - these are our present meals – all rice and nothing else. Poor Illam folks! Spent the day stitching kerchief and reading “Peeps at the world.” Mani is turning a regular vagabond. God guide the boys here. They are getting into bad ways and lie shamelessly. Br S comes here often from Sr J’s. Janavi heard from Amy Saldanha. Kali is overworked and ill fed here in my opinion. Mother’s temper is much better since Sr L and Heera and all are gone from here.

Tuesday, 6th January 1914
Got up at 8. Our kitchen is still unused. Parvathi has heavy work. Had an oil bath at 12 and breakfast at 2. Read a little at noon. Ground rice and Parvathi, Janavi and I made Ada for tiffin. Br S is still here and we girls, Prasad and Mohan left with him for a long walk at 6 towards Koduvalli and returned at 8. Heard from R that he is likely to be appointed Manager of the Mandalay Restaurant on pay between Rs 100 to Rs 200. Pray for luck. Wrote him at night.

Wednesday, 7th January 1914
Great trouble in the kitchen as Latha did not come. Mother cannot get a moments respite. I wish I was more inclined for work and could help her but I am in a lazy mood always. Poor Kali is worked like a beast. Aunt K came at noon. Kannan came too. Karlikar’s Circus is playing here. Mani, Dev and Prasad went. No money for anyone to go from here. Read away the time. Sr Janaki visited. Parvathi and I had letters from Sharada thanking us for New Year greetings. We dined very early today. Br S is gone to Mahe. Janavi sleeps downstairs.

Thursday, 8th January 1914
As I am very constipated I irrigate my bowels every other day now. Mani and Dev are at their uncles’ (Uks). Boys’ school opened yesterday so there is peace at daytime here.Washed and bathed by 12. The lower kitchen was cleaned and levelled today. Mother borrows from every side. She is hard up. Wish boys would remit soon. Father visited. Gave R’s news. Parukumama has rheumatism, and Heera is in bed having drunk poisonous liniment by mistake. Read at night.

Friday, 9th January 1914
Did a lot of gardening with Parvathi. She has planted seeds sent by Balettan. Felt quite tired and had a short sleep at 2. Sr L and Shanta returned from Cannanore by 5.30 Local with Bil. Commotion and noise commenced. Heard from Raviettan. He gives me the worst news of R. He left Rangoon in disgrace having borrowed for each and every quirk. Balettan asks me to forget R for good since he is steeped in dishonour and his actions are deliberately criminal. My God! Cans’t Thou not change my perverted husband? Discord and misery have entired me.

Saturday, 10th January 1914
Gokul
Life is noisy and intolerable here. Sr J visited. Bathed at 12. With Br S who stays at Sr J’s, went to Talai on foot by railway lines. Reached there at 5. Heera in bed owing to the effects of drinking liniment. It was done in a hysterical fit. Her Bil is here and I find their behaviour quite scandalous. Parukumama’s face is convulsed owing to rheumatic pains.Visited Thykkat. Invited to stay there. Returned to Pudiapura. Bharati is here. Vexed at the fuss. Slept at 10 in the middle room downstairs.

Sunday, 11th January 1914
Thykkat
Sr Kaushalya left for Angadipuram. Left at 10 for Thykkat. Children amusing and very fond of me. Shanti Amma and mad daughter Maya are here on a visit. Met Mrs Augustus of Ooty at Gokul. Ate Kayappam made for me by Alama. Listened to gramophone played by Mohan. I am not quite at home but I cannot but respect my husband’s people.

Monday, 12th January 1914
Thykkat
Alama visited Mrs K.V. and week old baby. Send for my clothes to Illam as I intend spending some days here. Received Br K’s and Felcy’s letters. Wire and T.M.O. does not seem to have reached Br K and I am anxious. Visited Pudiapura at 4. Saw Bharati’s silk Kasavu sari of Rs 27. Bad colour. Spoke to Father. Returned to Thykkat. Ate Patharri made especially for me. All the children have itch. Disgusting.
Cheriamma visited. Sleeping upstairs reminded me very painfully of R and past joys.

Tuesday, 13th January 1914
Thykkat
Convent opened today and Balakrishnan & Sunana attended school till 12. Read and did lots of needlework. Sr Uku spends Rs 6 for carriage and Convent besides Rs 3 for B’s fees. Gopal attended Ezhuthupalli. Precocious children these, talking like grownups. Wrote long letters to Raviettan and R at night. Children worried me.
Pudiapura girls came for a moonlight stroll with SuKumaranan and there was fun. Sr U is humorous and very outspoken contrary to Devika and Anjali. Dined at 10 and slept late as usual.
Wednesday, 14th January 1914
Thykkat
Got up at 7.30. Late to bed gives me good sleep in spite of Gopal’s, Karunakeren’s, L’s & baby’s music at night. Sr U & 3 children and I sleep in middle room. Her troubles with so many children are great. Received R’s letter sent by Janavi from school. He sent me a 5 Re note. Alama and I visited Pudiapura. Manini is here and is a pretty girl. She minds baby.
Spoke long of R & it ended in high words, Mohan defending R with whom I found fault. He says that it is my want of trust that makes most of my troubles. Little they know what all I have suffered.
Saw Father at 8.

Thursday, 15th January 1914
Thykkat
Assisted in kitchen whole morn till breakfast at 3 pm. I was in an excited and talkative mood today. Mohan advises me to talk respectfully of R, Sr R to trust in God, and Alama, to be impertinent to none. Finished “Asphodel,” author unknown. Edged Mundus for Father. He comes near the Konni daily and speaks to us. Children noisy and funny. Mohan seldom speaks to me but teases children much. Chatted with Sr Uku on wifehood and motherhood. Sathy and children and Mr T.K. are at Parambeth and I meet them often. Sathy behaves as usual in a puffed up way.

Friday, 16th January 1914
Thykkat, Gokul
Got up early. Assisted in kitchen. Bathed at 10. Edged 3 sarees for Sr R and did lots of needlework.Mr T.K. Karunakaran was here speaking long about R to Mohan and Sr R. Left for Gokul after dinner. Heera not yet well but was dissipated at night. Bharati gone to her home. Played on her harmonium. Madavi went to Cannanore this morn and returned at 6. Leksmi’s behaviour deplorable.
Money seems to be plentiful to Mohan and Heera who spend on dress for their girls lavishly. Contrast to Illam folks and the Adakkam of Thykkat. SuKumaranan is here. Father stays at Merry. Both slept at 10.

Saturday, 17th January 1914
Thykkat, Gokul
I cannot help but notice the difference between Thykkat and Gokul folks. One stern and real and the other fussy and hypocritical.
SuKumaranan is here from Calicut where he is studying in the Commercial School. Chatted with girls and Father. Had Conji at 10 and rice at 2. Played on harmonium. Bharati gone to Murukole where her people are. Their house nearing completion. Indrani reminds of Raviettan. Dined with Father who stays at Lavender Cottage. Alama and children visited. I am not quite comfortable as the bed was dirty. Heard Gunmastan has rheumatism still.

Sunday, 18th January 1914
Thykkat, Gokul
Got up early as folks here are very early risers. Heera trains her daughter very badly and her ways are unbecoming for a girl. Enough of scandal of Heera’s loose ways and drinking liniment throughout Telly.
Left at 10 for Thykkat. Anjali Munsiff and her boys came at 10 and left at 12. She and I can never be friends. Thykkat folks are the essence of good breeding and Adakkam. Cheriama’s granddaughter Lekshmi and children come from Hyderabad visited. Read a little. Hearty laugh over Cardoza’s funny way and talk. Children very noisy today.

Monday, 19th January 1914
Thykkat
My stay here has brought me in close touch with R’s people. To get on with one must have some nerve as they are blunt and to the point in speech and manners.
Minded baby and played with children. They have queer ways.Visited Pudiapura at 4 and saw Mr Y K’s servant Prasad’s wedding to Keerachi. Saw Swamy there. He removed a ghost from a woman in a wonderful manner. Met Mr and Mrs TK Kumaran and Mr and Mrs T K Karunakaran. I envy them. What a fate is mine without a husband’s love and support. Alama and Sr K went and saw Swamy. Chatted till late with Mohan etc.

Tuesday, 20th January 1914
Thykkat
Sent Janavi’s chain and umbrella by Sunana. She wrote to me. Today is Mother’s feast. Feel ill tempered even minding baby whose head is covered with sores. She keeps wetting, dirtying and vomiting often. Had a bath late. There is a visitor here, a grandson of Cheriamma. Sr Uku wants me to stay on here as she finds me useful.
Karunakaren nicknamed Cardoza is the funniest boy I have seen. All the children have good taste for music.

Wednesday 21st January 1914
Thykkat
No convent as yesterday was mother's feast. Janavi is taken in the acting. Busy morning assisting Alama to make ladu to send to Dressor.
Noisy & greedy children. Wonder why they're given their own will & seldom checked.
I have a bad stomach. Noise, overwork etc gave me a sullen & silent mood. Meals very late. Minded baby who may be named Janaki. She is called Kunju now & is 4months old.
Alama & Mohan went to see a nadakam nearby with Gokul & Parambeth folks.
Servant makan in a temper was scolded.
Thursday, 22nd January 1914
Thykkat
My sullen mood is still onme. I wish to go home. What a discontented nature is mine! I tire of new things so easily.
Alama left on a visit to Pushkars. Minded baby reluctantly.washed & bathed at 1, dined at 3.
Sr Uku & children & I visited Gokul. Sr Kunjira & Yashoda are come from Calicut yesterday. Yashoda is suspected of being pregnant 4 months.Met sathy & children & sr k Pau. Alama bought news of Radha's insinuations against me.
Recited songs to Sr Uku & was in a wild laughing mood mocking Radha.Sunna has fever & pain in the stomach. Alama lectured on Pariprathyam & Kshama.We slept very late. Children noisy at night.

Friday 23rd January 1914
Thykkat
Sunna, Alama & Govu took physics.
Sunna is not quite well & has slight fever.
Lekshmi has a new hat bought by Mohan. Mohan teases the children much.
Per Alama's request arranged an old drawer & was reminded of the past grandeur of Thykkat. Worked 2 pillows. Minded baby. Wish she had no sores.
With Alama & children visited Parambeth. Heard of flighty behavior of the Nadakam family.
Sr Kunjira,Yashoda, Bharati, Indrani & girls visited Thykkat.
Sr Uku received a tempting parcel from Dressor at Bellary.
Was in a sad mood at night & lay down. Lahala at night. Sr U abused & beat Makam for impertinence & there was a row.

Saturday, 24th January 1914
Talai, Illam
Got upat 7.30. Sunna did not go to school as she is still unwell.Wrote to Janavi that I returned today.Washed & bathed by 10.30 am. Had fun with the children who are worrying me to stay on here.
Left for Thykkat at 4 pm. Alama paid bandy here. Sr Uku gave me Rs 2 as a present.
Visited Pudiapura & with Father reached Illamat 6. Chatted away the rest of the day. Sil & Arjun are here.Heera & girls gone to Mahe.
Had a letter from R at Mandalay. He enclosed a note to Father & sent me Devika's New Year card.
R wrote of my going to Burma.
Dined at 9 with Sil & Janavi & slept late.

Sunday, 25th January 1914
Illat Hill
Got up at 8. Change of place made me sleepless. Gave Conjee & ground all the curry stuff. Sil worked a lot in the kitchen grinding, cutting fish & helping Mother. She has made 7 new blouses from Palghat helped by her Aunt N. Two are beautiful silk ones with net yoke & sleeves. Shehas underclothes in plenty having bought 40 yards long cloth for Rs 10. Had U bis & Ada for tiffin. Chatted with Sil about Palghat. Heera & girls returned by Mail from Mahe. Raviettan's wedding chief topic here.
My spotted laid first time today.

Monday, 26th January 1914
Got up at 8. Gave Conjee to boys. Ground all curry stuff. Sil & I were in the kitchen whole morn & she works a lot. Her womb troubles are over but she uses a pessary. She is stout & so is little Arjun who is grown a big boy. Sil's father visited to invite her to Palapallum.
Washed clothes & had an oil bath. We had rice at 3 pm like Thykkat & I was vexed.
Ate coconut & dates. Sil gave me a blue silk border. Am fixing it for my white saree. Br K passes Telly on 2nd. Chatted with Sil,C,P & J. Dibed in company.

Tuesday, 27th January 1914
Ground curry stuff & gave Conji & my morning work ended. Sil is going away on Thursday. She is busy with her clothes.
Girls walked to school. Great trouble as there is only Kannan & Kali here. All are busy. Sil has fever & also Shanta. Poor Sr L's troubles seem never to end. I fear for her boys. They are not straight or sincere.
Heard from R & Raviettan. Later starts on the 6th Feb. Wrote to both. I have asked R to send me silk for blouse for Raviettan's wedding.
Fun with Sil. Dined in company.

Wednesday, 28th January 1914
Father visited at 6 pm today.
What a dear little boy Arjun is. How lucky is Sil! We here are unlucky mortals.
Sr L's children are a trouble to her, their ways are such. Shanta is ill & very peevish making life a misery for Sr L.
Spent the morn in grinding, washing & bathing. Ironed a few clothes.
Sil is very generous to us, liberal with presents. She goes to Palapalli tomorrow and left with Arjun for Ambalavattam at 5. We all miss her.
Bil came at night. Trouble with his bicycle.
Had pain at night. Too much of pickles I think.

Thursday, 29th January 1914
Got up very late. I have very good sleep now. Noisy as girls have no school. Savi's head is full of sores. Ground spices in spite of side ache. Conji at 11 & rice at 2. Spent the afternoon in ironing clothes. My brown saree looks pretty with the brown border.
MC at 5 pm. Excruciating pain at night. Took aspirin & fomented.
No dinner.
Our goat gave birth to 2 kids, a white & shaded black one at 8 pm today at 8 pm.
Went to bed in great pain.

Friday, 30th January 1914
No pain at night or today. Spent the morning in working a blue Nainsook saree. It will do for home wear only after a couple of wears.
Great trouble as Latha does not work here. Poor Mother is worried with work. She sometimes washes & pounds rice! And she is 50 years! God give her health & long life.
Instant of selling I am eating my fowl's eggs! There is peace in my heart now and not so much misery. God grant the future may be bright by R getting a decent job & leading a steady life.

Saturday, 31st January 1914
Bathed at 9 and was cleansed.
Janavi has great trouble as girls especially Savi don't dress in time for school. Sr L is very indifferent about her children. She expects others to look after them! How Heera slaves for her girls! Sr L feels our indifference (P) but stores everything in her mind. No good! One must walk according to the times & when one can't keep servants one must work hard.
Poor Mother is worried to death with overwork & not a pie in her hands.
Finished my Nainsook blouse which is a little tight but very pretty.
Janavi is sulky as she had no dinner & a poor tiffin. Ma was in a temper & complained of our ( mine I should say ) laziness.
Jolly mood at night. Long for R so far far away.

February 1914

Sunday, 1st February
Got up early. I am suffering from severe throat pain & cold. Arranged downstairs. Gave conjee. Alama, Balakrishnan, Sunana & Lekshmi surprised us at 10. Alama & Lekshmi left at once for Ka... & B & S spend the day here. Spent the day entertaining them. They were quite at home here and were pleased with everything. They left at 4.30 p.m. For M Narayans. Aunt K came & gave us Kurup news.
Father visited. SuKumaranan's wedding will be settled tomorrow. A surprise to me to hear he is to marry Mr Onakin's daughter. Sad to hear Ajith Karunakran is going to marry Kalandy Leksmi.
Chatted till very late about Sil, Raviettan's wedding & Br K's visit.

Monday, 2nd February, 1914
I am suffering from a severe cold & splitting headache & took no bath. Felt disinclined for food & work. Read 'Wholly without morals' by Shive Dinga. Life of a dishonourable man in India & Burma & how he ruined himself with wine, women & betting. Painful reminder of R.
Fish dishes to send to Rly Stn for Br K & friends. Friends did not come but Br K gave us all great joy by his arrival here. Chatted away whole evening & night, a year's news.
My head splits with pain. Kumaranattan was very gentle & kind in my trouble. Slept after midnight.

Tuesday, 3rd February, 1914
Busy morning looking after Br K's chota & comforts. He visited Tahsildar & Kurup & left by mail for Ooty. Prasad went as far as Calicut. We sent hoppers & fried fish to station for Br K's friends.
My cold is very bad & I have completely lost my appetite making me intolerably hungry at even. Nothing to eat what to do.
Heard from Raviettan that R is likely to get a Rs 80/- job under Mr Manekjee's son. God grant that R may get the job & stick to it & reform his ways. Sad no letter from R but wrote him a heartbroken letter & a p.c. to Balettan.
Despondency is upon me.

Wednesday, 4th February, 1914
January was a happy month for me. February is just the opposite. Peace of mind has left. No letter from R.
This morning we were informed via Club Gopalan that the alliance between P & O Kunhiramen is cancelled. It is a great blow to me & I feel the burden of Illam troubles on my mind. It is Bil's enemity with Oyittu Kunnath Vakil that has caused this. What a good match it would have been. Fate is cruel.
Sr L made Prasad bjy lots of cloth for her. My black hen is dying from the attacks of our amorous duck.
Ill luck is upon me. God hear my prayers & instil peace in me & in Illat Hill.

Thursday, 5th February, 1914
My head ached whole day & I feel disturbed in mind. When will want & debt leave this house I wonder. Tumult & confusion everywhere as well as in my heart.
Janavi has bought two kinds of chintz for blouses & I worked a blouse for her. I have left one ravaka cloth for Mother. Prasad purchases cloths for us & knows good quality.
Girls at home attended school. Father visited.SuKumaranan's marriage annulled as the girl's horoscooe does not agree. All are disappointed.
We have become disheartened waiting for Balettan & his wedding.Feel heavy at heart.

Friday, 6th February, 1914
Got up last in the house. Gave conjee to boys. Girls went to school walking as usual. Felt very lazy whole morn but had to wash & bathe. Rice at 2.
Heera, Parvathi & I visited Sr J's. Chatted, drank tea and returned at 4.30. Working a chintz ravaka for Mother, a present from me.
We have a cup of coffee at 5 & then dinner. Poor meals but can't help it. No incorporated &many to feed.
Had a long & loving letter from R. He left Mandalay on 4th Feb for purchases with his boss & asked me not to write to hi]m till I hear from him. God guard him.

Saturday, 7th February, 1914
Sr Madavi & Nani came at 10 from Mahe to attend Chathu Kuttiattan's sons wedding tomorrow at Valliyar. They came here in the evening from Sr J's, had tea & left very late.
Finished Mother's ravaka & gave it to her. Poor Ma has very few clothes.
Spent a worried day. What peace is there here with want & debts reigning supreme.
Read 'The Queen of the Rushes,' by Alan Raine.
Shanta's temper is much improved & she is very playful & amusing. Her prattle & pranks endear her to me.
Copied idioms from Janavi's book into mine.

Sunday, 8th February, 1914
Heera & Mohan left very early with Sr J & Mahe folks for Valliyar to attend wedding. My cold gave me a bad temper & loss of appetite. Washed & bathed in a lazy mood.
Parvathi is unwell & suffered great pain. Her sick turkey is allright now for a wonder. Parvathi has a knack for house & poultry keeping.
Had a siesta at noon. Minded Sheela & Tara. Father visited & I gave him latest news of R. He is worried to hear R is away from Mandalay. Heera & Mohan returned at 7. Mrs took the Puda & with Vani attended the wedding. Chatted wedding news. Small Mathu's morning is here. Boys went on an excursion to Green Isle.

Monday, 9th February, 1914
Heera is unwell. Girls left walking to school & Devika was bought home in Jutka by Vani as she was not well-giddiness owing to bile-she vomits all food & was in bed.
Aunt K came & left at night. Parvathi's hen, turkey & a chicken was caught by a bandycoot. What a real pity, the turkey was allright of its rheumatism & big. Had a good feed of it at night.
At eve Srs J & Madhavi & Nani visited. Chatted a lot & left by moonlight.
Received a note from Alama to go to Thykkat tomorrow. Read Mona Lombard & Titbits.

Thursday, 10th February, 1914
Talai visit
Grandma is come to see Devika. There seems to be an ominous calm at Kurup.
Washed & bathed before dinner as I wish to go to Thykkat at 4.
Sr L, Heera & Parvathi also made up their minds to go with me too & we left at 5. Visited Thykkat, had tea, saw Ukumama, Alama & children & left for Pudiapura. They made regular Salkaram there in spite of our protests & we had Neychor, stew & Molee. Heera, Madhavi & all chatted & was all Logyam.
Saw Lavender Cottage & garden & it was 7.30 when Sr L, P & C left for Illam & I returned to Thykkat.
Mohan, Anjali & 5 children came at 8 pm from Calicut. Very lively & noisy with 11 children in the house. Chatted & slept very late.

Wednesday, 11th February, 1914
Thykkat
Got up very early & assisted in making sweets for Kodukka. It was over by 10.30. Sathy & Nani & children came & Madavi. There were endless sweets & Neychor etc given to dead father of Mohan. I ate little.
Spent the day chatting incessantly with Anjali & Sr R. The coldness between P & me removed. Taught crochet to Ammalu. All the children like me.
Anjali & character left at 4 for Kotieth. Felt tired & worn out by night so did nlt go to Pudiapura. I feel quite at home at Thykkat now.
Relations between Sr R & Alama not quite so placid as it seems. Dined at 10 after eating sweets & slept upstairs.

Thursday, 12th February, 1914

Jutka
Thykkat, Illam
Ate ripe jack first time this year. Visited Pudiapura And left for Illam at 10. Children want me to stay there at Thykkat. Came alone in Jutka.

Mohan could have well come with me but he is a proud chap & not free with me. He is quite a man and reminds me of Avu.

R's & Raviettan's letters awaited me. Raviettan's starts 13th. R asked me not to write as he is away from Mandalay.
Feel anxious. Nani came for sister J's at 11 & stayed here today. Chatted whole day with her upstairs. Machining Sr J's 5 Ravaka's. Srs J & Madavi visited and had tiffin here. Dined in company. Heat has commenced. Began working crochet lace for Anjali.

Friday, 13th February, 1914
Edathill
Nani left for Sr J's after a bath & Conjee. Sharada & children are come there from Calicut. It appears she has very few comforts in her husband's house.
Crocheted 5 peaks of the lace I have begun. My mind is filled with passionate thoughts. I wish I had more control over myself. How I long to go to R! Wonder where he is now.
Slept for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Have slight headache night & day & have lost appetite. I am looking very lean.
Ma & Parvathi visited Sr J's. Meals very bad here. No book to read. Feel altogether sick of life.

Saturday, 14th February, 1914
I have heavy sleep now. My mind often dwells on the thefts at Thykkat & fears they may suspect me. Who is to know they don't? God knows the truth.
Distributed Conjee & washed & bathed. Meals at 1 pm. Devi of Akkarakunnathu visited & had dinner here. Her son Balan is a dear little boy & is very free with us. Devi's husband is S.I. of Mankara now & she is very grand.
Father visited & I gave him news of R. Sr J, Sr Madavi, Sharada & children came late at evening. Her youngest is 1 yr old & a weakling.
Crocheted lace. Chatted till 10 pm downstairs with Sr L, Parvathi & Heera.

Sunday, 15th February, 1914

Orotti
Assisted in kitchen both morning & evening. Prasad got 4/12 as shooting prize & spent 8 as on tiffin today-stew & Orotti. Ate to our fill.
Dev spend the day at Ukks & Maven retd from Casi at 6 pm. He behaves sneakishly & lies a lot. What a dread future awaits him.
Mother had a sudden attack of side pain. Her health is failing from overwork & worry. No remittance from Brs R & K. Vishuettan send Rs 20 to Ma this month.
Crocheted 6 peaks of lace & began a new pattern. Eyes give me slight trouble already.

Monday, 16th February, 1914
Akkarakunnath is full of people. Mr & Mrs Auditor, Mr & Mrs Kunhi, Kannan shopkeeper, Devi & child & her sisters. Their house is going to be rebuilt soon. Auditors wife is pregnant & badly treated. Noise & commotion there.
Had an oil bath by 1 pm. My appetite has returned. Crocheted 2 peaks of lace. Relations between Janavi & me are very strained. We never speak to each other ever. Janavi's good temper has vanished.
Shanta very amusing & talkative. Kali & Latha went to see "thera."
Heavy work here. Prasad idles away his time now.
Reading Richard Marsh's "Miss Arnott's Marriage."

Tuesday, 17th February, 1914

Finished Mother's ravaka & Janavi's blouse. Crocheted 10 peaks of lace.
Boys & girls went to school. Kannen is away for Thera & Kali takes dinner for boys & girls. Latha leaves for her house at 4 pm.
We expect Balettan soon. I wonder if he will come & I will go to Burma with him. How I long for R-does he reciprocate the feeling. Is there a single hour when I don't think of him? I had no letters from him & I feel heartbroken & miserable. Gloomy fit is on me.
Sr Madhavi came at 6.30 & stayed here. Coldness between J & me decreasing.

Wednesday, 18th February, 1914
Sr Madhavi is here. I spent the morning in washing & bathing & my evening in crocheting. Auditor send us 2 lbs of deer flesh.
We expected Raviettan today but were as usual disappointed. Janavi & I are better disposed towards each other. Sr J came & Sr M left for hers. Sheela & Tara are spending tonight there.
Overjoyed at receiving a letter from R but it was a poor reply to my last passionate one. On the 12th he left Mandalay. No particulars whatever but he promises to send Rs 10 for me & Father next month & a Burmese sari for Thathakutti.

Thursday, 19th February, 1914
I dreamed Balettan came and brought such a lot of turkeys, ducks & fowl of rare kinds from Burma.
Sheela & Tara are spending the day at Sr J's & came here at 6 pm only.
Reading "The Crime of the Crystal" by J Hume. Crocheted all my leisure from the rocking chair.
Kannen brought Pori & plantains. Father visited & I gave him news from R's last letter. Sr J & M came here late today. We eagerly awaited Raviettan's arrival today by Mail & were bitterly disappointed.
Auditor send us Indian Patriot & a novel.

Friday, 20th February, 1914
We received wire from Ragoo YMCA to the effort " When is Kumaran expected at Telly?" Thinking it was from Raviettan we wired back, " Kumaran expected next week, start immediately." Tahsildar says the wire is from P R & we are in a flutter consequently over the "start immediately."
I had a letter from R. It seems Raviettan send him an abusive letter & R quoted from his letter. Balettan seems to have given R a bit of his mind & I am not sorry. I have writing to R to say that nothing will make me less faithful to him or decrease my love for him. My greatest worry is R asks me not to write to him as he leaves Mandalay. I have sent him a letter nevertheless.

Saturday, 21st February, 1914
Did not post letter to R as I wish to rewrite it carefully as it is not sure to reach R's hand.
Worked desperately at crochet lace & finished one piece. Shanta spends most of the time in my company & I love her when she is in a good mood.
Aunt L visited bringing lots of Pori & plantains of which we had a good feed. Aunt K, Heera & Parvathi visited Akkarakunnath & invited them here to tea tomorrow. Dressor Lelugn's wife is also called.
The boys of this house are very noisy & were scolded. So they have taken up a revengeful attitude.
My heart is heavy as lead over R's letter.
Sunday, 22nd February, 1914
Today was an eventful day. Brothers Ru & Kumaran arrived by Mail and threw the whole house into happiness. We were overjoyed indeed.
Mrs Auditor, Devi, Mrs Dressor, Sharada & girls have tea here-a grand affair of ghee rice & sweets which took place at 5 pm. I was overworked ministering to Brs R & K. Chatted a lot. Raviettan brought lots of presents for children, 4 rubies for Heera & bangles for all. Br K very talkative & loving.
Slept very late & was very tired. Father visited & chatted with brothers.

Monday, 23rd February, 1914
Got up early. Spent whole day working hard & keeping meals for Brs R & K & Prasad. Did not get a minute leisure.
Kumaranattan is very free & chatty specially to Janavi & me, but Raviettan is stern & silent.
I wore Burmese costume & was photographed by Raviettan. Raviettan is more fond of children than grown ups.
Br K leaves only day after by steamer. Grandma is here. Chatted till very late of Raviettan's wedding. He said we need not interfere but he would choose his own bride.

Thursday, 24th February, 1914
Got up very early as we had a group photo taken out by Malabar Photo Works. We were all in it & Grandma. Only Vishuettan & family were absent but his photo will be inserted.
Very busy day as Br K's Dehra Dun friends were here for dinner & tiffin. Grand meals. I was worked to death as I was the most willing to please.
BrK. Raviettan was suddenly attacked by malaria & did not leave his bed after 4 pm. High fever. Ministered to his wants. Raviettan is very silent & quiet.
Chatted & packed for Br K who leaves tomorrow. Wrote to R about Raviettan's arrival & that nothing will change me towards him. Signed autographs.

Wednesday, 25th February, 1914

Kumaranattan left for steamer to Dehra at 10. How sad I felt! Fever has left him. Raviettan went with him. Spent the morning in arranging Raviettan's things in middle room upstairs. He sleeps in Office room.
Felt very tired & slept in the afternoon. Aunt H spent the day here. Balettan's wedding is always discussed.
Janavi & I are again chummy. She is busy preparing for Parent's day. Also Sheela & Tara. Chatted till very late with Raviettan about Burma.

Thursday, 26th February, 1914

Got up at 7.30. Girls busy with preParvathion for entertainment for which 4 invitations were received.
I worked a lot today in spite of side pain & bathed early. Burma is shining in the horizon of my hope & I keep thinking only of this.
Crocheted lace for Anjali. Raviettan visited Sr J. Father visited. I gave him a Burmese cigar. All of us chatted till very late with Raviettan about Burma & Uncle.

Friday, 27th February, 1914

Bil is come from Cannanore. Convent entertainment. Ma, Sr L, Heera & Parvathi went for it at 6 besides girls. It was very grand. Janavi took part in the acting and said poetry. I was alone in the house with Shanti & Soumini as boys came late.
Raviettan went with Ma etc to shop. Ma was in a very bad temper when she retd. Life is a misery here for all owing to too many burdens on me.
Bil stayed here. Raviettan & he chatted away. It seems Mother remarked about my absence.

Saturday, 28th February, 1914

MC on awakening & great womb pain till one O' clock. Fomented & ate nothing but rice at 2.30.
Reading " The Perfume of Egypt," by Leadbeater. Stitched my new red lined chintz jacket.
Today is the grand entertainment in the convent with our District Judge Roberts in the chair. Raviettan went for it & pronounced it a success. Janavi acted as housemaid very well. Poetry very grand. Mr & Mrs Krishnan came from Palghat. Janavi, Sheela & Tara came home in gala dress.
Spoke convent news till late. Pain again at bedtime. Bil here.

March 1914

Sunday, 1st March, 1914
Raviettan had a gum boil which he got operated today. It is very painful & he takes only liquid food. Bil is still here.
Was cleansed after a bath. Finished my jacket by noon. My head aches badly.
No tiffin. I have often to suffer the pangs of hunger now. Father visited. No news. Played with Shanta. She can talk now.
What a noise & confusion here! I pity poor Ma who so many burdens on herself.
Heard Auditor is a father lately (boy).

Monday, 2nd March, 1914
Raviettan's gum boil is giving great pain still. Dressor came. He had severe headache at even & was in bed making Ma quite anxious.
Stitched & read away leisure. We have 2 new boys here from Panur & Taliparambu.
Raviettan's wedding discussed. Surprised & grieved to hear from R that he is in Shan States now- so far away. My chances of seeing him are getting remote. My heart breaks with sorrow when I think of him specially as I go to Rangoon soon. What use when R is at Namtu.
Wrote to him. Does he love me? My God! What does life hold for me but disappointments.

Tuesday, 3rd March, 1914
My mind is ever dwelling on R so far away. God grant that may better himself at Namtu.Spoke of R to Raviettan.
We have all decided that Raviettan should marry Indrani. He wants to see her & I am going to arrange a meeting at Ulsavam.
I attend to Balettan myself. His pain is much better & he went out.
I am in a lazy mood now & spent most of my time amused by Shanta.
Boys a trifle quiet now. Sr J & Sharada visited. Ma & all of us chatted till late with Raviettan about his wedding.

Wednesday, 4th March, 1914
Distributed Conjee at 9.30 & assisted in the kitchen whole morn. Latterly Mother is kind & gentle with me. How I shall miss her love when I go to Burma.
Raviettan much better. He went out in the evening. A M Lakshmanan Vakil is his friend. I serve meals for Raviettan who eats sparingly. Discussed wedding. Fear trouble from Uncle.
Had a letter from R. Namtu is very cold but he is well. He is on bad terms with Raviettan after receiving his abusive letter. Wrote to R.
Raviettan, Prasad, K, P & I & boys went for moonlight stroll to North beach& enjoyed ourselves.

Thursday, 5th March, 1914
Assisted in kitchen as Latha is absent today. Busy as I had to wash & bathe. Janavi is unwell & had severe pain.
Shanta is very intelligent & amusing but ill tempered at times. Boys behave well as Raviettan is here. Father visited & we discussed Raviettan's wedding. Gave him news of R at Namtu.
Sr L is also unwell. We are all eagerly awaiting wedding.
Had a p.p.c. From Miss Aarons. Kali began flighty ways.

Friday, 6th March, 1914
We spent a busy morning making Perattiappam for Heera to take to Mahe. 8 lbs of flour were used. Raviettan paid for it. Aunt came to assist us & we had a lively time discussing wedding of course. Janaki & Sharada, sisters of the Munsiff's wife visited with nephew.
Br A went to Mahe by Mail & retd by Mail. Heera & girls with Mohan left for Mahe at 5 p.m.
Ate a lot of the sweets. At 8 Raviettan, P, Prasad, myself, Devika & Savi went for moonlight stroll. Left Aunt K at Kurup & went to North Beach& retd at 9.30. Kali is also gone to Mahe & boy Raman alone here.

Saturday, 7th March, 1914
Boys left by Mail to Mahe to see Thera. Balettan is evading his wedding & it looks as if he wants to return unmarried to Burma. I persuaded him with great trouble to visit Talai with me & we left at 4, I in a Jut & Raviettan on his bike.
Pudiapura folks pretend to be quite indifferent though I believe a match for Indrani is in their mind. Stayed an hour & had tea. Met Sumitra & Vasu & wife etc. Paid a hurried visit to Thykkat & Raviettan left on bike. Later Father & I retd to Illam. My trip is unsuccessful & Raviettan neither saw nor chose Indrani.
Lucy Kallat visited. Bil here.

Sunday, 8th March, 1914
Assisted in kitchen whole morn as Kali is away. Servant Mannan came. Auditor visited. He sent us 2 jackfruits & we feasted on ripe jack. Heat increases daily & with it I feel quite tired.
Balettan seems determined not to marry. Bil is here. Expected Panur folks with money. Slept from 3 to 4.30. Shanta very sprightly & talkative. Prasad idles his time now.
Mahe goers retd at 8 p.m. & hubbub commenced. Illam is too full & noisy. Bil stayed here. I slept last.

Monday, 9th March, 1914
Oh! What a miserable feeling is upon me. I feel truly sick of life & am seized with mad desires to put an end to this existence.The heat is making me too lazy & my apetite has gone, making me quite wretched.
Sil & Raviettan paid a visited to Panur. Heera is unwell. Wedding topic still present but Balettan has not yet made his choice.
Sr R, P, J, Prasad, Devika, Raviettan & I went for moonlight stroll to Koduvally. Pleasant walk & I was in good spirits but feel sad at R so far away.

Tuesday, 10th March, 1914
I am in a desperate mood. My health, apetite & temper very bad. Read "Kyra's Fate" whole morn. Vasuattan, Sil & Arjun arrived from Palapilly by evening Mail. All three are gone stout & healthy. Sil bought 11 ducks & 11 fowls for her sisters where plenty reigns. We killed 2 ducks & had a good feed at night.
A R J's harmonium was sent for & we had grand music at night by Br V. My heart well nigh burst at the sad music & I was filled with a great longing for R making me weep like a child.
Chatted with Sil.very busy evening for all. Wrote to R.

Wednesday, 11th March, 1914
Very busy day as Kali is unwell. Ground curry stuff, washed & bathed till 1 p.m. Chatted with Sil. She is so very good tempered. We are lucky in her. I am afraid Indrani will be the reverse.
Father visited & we spoke of Raviettan's wedding. At 8 the whole lot except Sr S & boys went for moonlight walk to Folly. Ate sweets & Raviettan was in a hearty mood. P Sharad came with us & Aunt K. Retd at 10.
Heard from R he got a job on Rs 60. Wrote to him. Janavi also wrote to R. Awful womb pain.

Thursday, 12th March, 1914
Illam contains 23 persons now. Bil is still here. We have great fun with Br Vasu who is very jolly.
Granny arrived & made many scenes-one very painful one in which she quarelled with me & said I am the worst of all here. I cried over it. I hate Grandma-there the truth is out!
At 3 Raviettan & V, Prasad, Sil P & C, Sr L & I with Arjun went to Dharmadam for a picnic. Plucked lots of green mangoes & cashewnut from our Parambu. Ate Nondavill, played on the beach & heartily enjoyed ourselves. Wedding hotly discussed.
We retd by moonlight at 8 very tired. Dined at 9 & went t bed heavy ag heart over the want of money here.

Friday, 13th March, 1914
Spent a busy day preparing for trip to temple. At 5.30 Raviettan, Heera, Janavi Sil & myself went to Pudiapura, had tea there, visited Thykkat, had tea, retd to Pudiapura & with some of the folks there went to Ambalam grounds.
Indrani beings unwell we were disappointed but we managed to show her to Raviettan from a 'Magic Show.' Mother, Sr J & Sharada joined us & we went to the temple at 8. Ezhunellathu began at 10 & ended at 1 & there were fireworks till 3.
Met a number of Tiyya ladies & girls. Raviettan on the alert for a wife. Retd home walking at 4 a.m. Very very tired.

Saturday, 14th March, 1914
Ulsavam
Raviettan says he does not find Indrani attractive at all & we are filled with fears that the wedding may not come off. A poor conclusion to come to after the fuss of last night. Br V too does not care for her.
Sil is very good tempered & kind. Stitched clothes. Was sleeping in the evening. Worried over Raviettan's behaviour.
It is very jolly here. Bil is here still. Had a hurried bath & left with Father on foot for Thykkat where I reached at 7 p.m. Went to temple where I met hundreds of women. Chatted with M Narayani. Sr Uku & Anjali & Alama also came. Ulsavam over at 3 a.m. A house was burnt with fireworks.

Sunday, 15th March, 1914
Thykkat
Ulsavam
Got up after 4 hrs sleep. Anjali carrying heavily. Busy day as house is full. Visit from Arat. Meals very late as usual. At 5 went to temple. Anandaleksmi always present. Met many acquaintances. Ammayi also came with Bharathan Vendor.
Went to Pudiapura & spent evening there. Raviettan, Sr L, Parvathi & Sil came at 9 & I went to the temple with them. Raviettan met Indrani but is wavering. Ulsavam over by 11 p.m. & I retd to Thykkat, & the rest to Illam.

Monday, 16th March, 1914
Gokul
Feel quite fagged for want of sleep. Anjali left for Kotieth at 7 by Mail for Calicut. Mr & Mrs Vendor & son & Alama left for Cannanore by 10 a.m. local.
Spent a happy day with Sr Uku & children. Chatted about Raviettan's wedding. It seems Bil asked Std Gumastan for Indrani's hand. Bil has taken a liberty indeed. I wonder how this is all going to end.
Left for Pudiapura at 6. All Logyam.
Played & listened to harmonium. Chatted with P C Yashoda & Indrani. Dined in company. Vasu & wife here. Hypocrites.
Slept upstairs & thought of bridal night.

Tuessday, 17th March, 1914
Thykkat
Indrani is conscious that she will soon be Raviettan's wife & her hints & innuendos anger me. She will be hard to pull on with with her airs & lies - I dread to think of life with her.
Retd to Thykkat at 11. Gave all news of Indrani's behavior to Sr Uku. I spoke too much.
Heard Anjali was not well. Alama retd from Cannanore at 6 & is very anxious. Mohan wired. He is very cold towards me. Minded children & played with them. Meals very late. Slept at 12 only.

Wednesday, 18th March, 1914
Talai Eggs. Illam.
Alama left by 6 a.m. Local for Calicut. Got wire that Anjali is better. Relations between Alama & Sr Uku are far ffom peaceful. Quarrels seem frequent. Was in an over talkative mood & spoke long to Sr Uku.
Worked in kitchen. Visited Pudiapura & retd to Illam in Jut with Father at 5.
Std Gumastan wrote to say that he is loth to give Indrani owing to distance Burma. Discussed Raviettan's wedding with him & all here. I am over talkative.
R wrote v.sadly at not hearing from me. Replied him & slept very late. Sil is unwell.

Thursday, 19th March, 1914
Illam
We are all greatly disappointed because Indrani is refused to us. Sr L says it is only Viyyam Piddipikkal. I am very sad & anxious because I spoke so openly of Indrani's airs to Sr Uku. Now that she is refused I shall look a big fool in Sr Uku's eyes.
Prasad & Raviettan are gone to Cannanore. Aunt K visited with oranges. Chatted with Sil. Washed for her & bathed. Slept from 4 to 6. Reaction of Talai visit makes me sad & morose.
Reading " Marriage." Sil & Arjun sleep in our room upstairs now. Chatted in company till 10. Thoughts of R.

Friday, 20th March, 1914
Busy working the 4 wrapper that Sr Uku gave me to stitch for her. Disappointed at the shopping entrusted to P Suku. Prasad & Raviettan retd from Cannanore at 10.
Sil has had a pillow made & with her 50 bobbins bought from Palapilly, is taking her 1st lesson in pillow lace. Everyone busy with needlework.
Refusal of Indrani preying on my mind. We are all very anxious to get Raviettan married but it looks as if he will not do so now. Raviettan leaves for tennis daily at 5 & returns at 8. Meals he takes are very ordinary.

Saturday, 21st March, 1914
Auditor lent us Rs 500 today. Got up at 8. Spent morning in machining Sr Uku's wrapper which I sent with Kali in the noon.I don't know if she will like my work. I also sent her 4 pairs of velvet bangles. Yesterday Raviettan received a packet from Burma, of cheroots, slippers, bangles & rubies.
Washed & bathed. Poor meals. Sil will grow thin here. Everyone busy with needlework & unpleasantness about machine. Union has departed from Illam.
Bil came at night. He is not welcome among us girls. He gave Mani a thrashing. Mani is gone to the bad. My head is filled with black despair over the misery here.

Sunday, 22 March, 1914
Mother has amassed Rs 600 debts during last 18 months. All on account of the burdens on her in the persons of Sr L, Heera, myself & their 7 children. The fathers have shifted all responsibilities of feeding on Mother.
Disappointed over Raviettan's wedding. He is very indifferent about it. Ma half consented to my going alone to Burma.
Bil is here & visitors with him. Sil is getting thinner daily owing to bad meals. Father visited. Karunakaran Tahsildar is at the bottom of the refusal.
We 5 girls & all children with Raviettan went to North beach. Great fun. Chatted long with Raviettan. He has a severe cold & slept in the middle room.

Monday, 23rd March, 1914
Heavier & heavier grows my heart with despair for chances of Raviettan's wedding & my trip to Burma are getting remoter. Since the refusal of Indrani Raviettan has not chosen another bride. Even Br Gopal's letters do not spur him & he will not marry now. He promises to come in October & then marry.
Sil & I visited Mrs Munsiff & daughter today at 4 p.m. Had an oil bath. Not speck of joy or hope is there in my heart. Oh God! Help me carry on this miserable existence.

Tuesday, 24th March, 1914
Tumult & confusion reigns here. Boys are given holidays to study for promotion exam. Mani received a good beating for disappearing for 3 hrs, from Raviettan. Wicked & dishonourable, the boys are turning out.
Sil & I are always together. Arjun has slight fever. Raviettan, Heera, Janavi & all children went for a walk at even.
Heard from R-a long letter about Namtu. He is employed in the mines on Rs 60 & will get his pay in the end of April. God grant he may mend his ways. Wrote a long letter to him of Burma trip & Raviettan's wedding being postponed.

Wednesday, 25th March, 1914
Today Sr L decided to go to Burma & we spend the whole day discussing our trip with Raviettan. Sr L, Shanta & I intend going but I am afraid Sr L will change her mind after consulting Bil.
Raviettan likes the idea of our going & gave us all useful hints about Rangoon. He received a beautiful silk sari from Burma for Auntie Nani.
Arjun is better. Sil is far from comfy here about food. Hearty feed of Kadalamutthari. Sr L bandied words with Kali loud at night.

Thursday, 26th March, 1914
MC on awakening. Took Aspirin pills. Had no pain at all & ate to my fill. A great wonder.
Spent an idle day chatting with Sil. Arjun took physic. He is gone lean after coming here. Poor food.
Aunt K came. Madhavi umama of Karangapuran invited us for Dr D's wedding on 28th. Sr J & Sharada came. Discussed Raviettan's wedding with Vasumali Shanker's Sil as bride.
Mind ever dwelling on Burma trip. Father visited & we both behaved coldly. Small Mathu is come from Taliparamba. Sil hates her. Slept very late after long chat.

Friday, 27th March, 1914
Had a bath at 8 & was cleansed. Small Mathu is of great help in the kitchen. Ma thinks of keeping her here & sending away Kali.
Fixed a border for my dyed sari. Girls attend school on foot daily. Janavi's exam is going on. Boys have holidays to study for promotion.
Raviettan visited Mr A Chathu but could not see him. At 6 all of us except Ma, Parvathi & boys went to North beach with Raviettan & enjoyed ourselves. Shanta was jolly. Chatted with late with Raviettan & all here.

Saturday, 28th March, 1914
I received a T.M.O. For Rs 10 from R at Namtu this afternoon. Glad & relieved. Now at least I can prove to the world that R is not as black as he is painted. God change him into a better man!
Ma & Parvathi went for Dr Damodaran's daughter's Thalikettu at 11 & returned at 5. They met many people there. Sr L & Soumini visited U.K.S.
Minded Shanta, read & chatted. Mathu seems as flighty as of yore.
Bil is come from Cannanore. Raviettan, P, C, J & Devika went at 4 to see Bioscope. I was alone upstairs reading & felt afraid of ghosts. Bioscope party returned at 12 midnight.

Sunday, 29th March, 1914
Burma trip occupies my thoughts entirely & life is bearable. Sr L asked Bil about her going & though he is unwilling she says she will come. God grant I may not be disappointed!
Small Mathu reigns supreme in kitchen-a great relief to all. She tries to flirt with Raviettan.
Father visited. We spoke sadly of Indrani's refusal. I gave him 2 Rs from the 10 R gave me.
Sr L, Heera, Bil & all children went for Bioscope matinee at 6 & returned at 9 when all the rest here, even servants went & returned at midnight. Myself & Shanta did not go. I reserve pleasures for Burma only.

Monday, 30th March, 1914
Ma is sad about Raviettan not getting married. Bil's father visited & he, Bil & Ma decided that Raviettan should marry Muliyil Janaki. I guess Raviettan wants Indrani only. How we all wish he would marry soon.
Purchased a piece mull for sarees at Rs 4/6. Thank Ggod I have a few Rs in my hands. Busy with Raviettan's kerchiefs. All here busy discussing Bioscope. Pity I didn't go.
Bil is here. Greater noise at mealtime. Boys annual exam began today. Tiff with Parvathi at night for snubbing me. She bosses here. Janavi is bad with a sprained ankle.

Tuesday, 31st March, 1914
Raviettan left for Calicut by Mail. He complains he is not very comfortable here. Today we sent a letter written by Bil to Muliyil asking for his daughter's hand. Pray God we will get a favourable answer & that the wedding may come off soon.
Washing & bathing day. Played with Arjun & Shanta. Girls went & returned from school in Jut as J's foot is bad.
Ma & Sr J visited Mammmali as Chathilkutti's son died. Sharada& children came & chatted about Mulliyil Janaki.

April 1914

Wednesday, 1st April 1914
Spent a busy day stitching kerchief, blouse & a pillow case. Small Mathu is very noisy & puts on airs. Sil & I hate her but all the rest like her for her work she does. Unpleasantness is cropping up owing to Sil's fussy way about food. She eats nothing.
Received a letter from R with a note enclosed for Janavi. Wrote to him thanking for Rs 10 & about trip to Burma. Sr L & I always discussing it. My mind ever dwelling on forbidden things-I wish I was purer. Mental worry a bit decreased now. Sr L is steeped in debts. Bil is workless.

Thursday, 2nd April 1914
Busy morning washing & bathing. Janavi, Sil & Arjun spent the day at Ambalavattah & returned at 6.30 p.m. I bought Muslin & insertion for a blouse. Stitched kerchief. Mathu does good work. Ramen of Panur is a quiet boy & suits us.
Raviettan returned by Mail from Calicut-he met Auntie. Bil received reply to letter asking for Mulliyil Janaki. She is already engaged. We are steeped in disappointments & Raviettan returns unmarried to Burma. Sr L & I intend going.

Friday, 3rd April 1914
Aunt Kousu visited at even. Spent whole day working a blouse with the Muslin I let yesterday. I want to be clever in needlework & avoid paying the tailor.
Sil has fastidious tastes about food. Arjun is very lovable in spite of his faults. Raviettan's old friend Ibrahim came today. He is employed at Hyderabad. At even Raviettan received a letter from Uncle full of scandals about us specially of Kannan. We were all very excited over it. Ma was furious & wanted to go to K's house & interview Uncle with Mahe, Gopalan, Gopal & Thunkammen.

Saturday, 4th April 1914
Frightened last night by dreams of Uncle. What a terror he has become! Early morn Raviettan, P & I & boys went near Railway bridge, took oysters, enjoyed ourselves & returned at 9.30. I cut my hand & feet badly.
Bil came from Cannanore with lots of sarees for Sil.
Aunt K is come. We all assisted her in making Podiappam & Kaara Appam to take to Kundan M's house.
Busy evening. Worked at my blouse. Sr L spilled 2 bottles of oil.
K.M. frequent visitor. Raviettan suffering from gum boil. Sil & Arjun slept upstairs.

Sunday, 5th April 1914
What a busy day! Sr Kullvan & Devika left for Pallikunnu KM's sister's house with 2 baskets of sweets & 1 of plantains carried by Kala & Latha at 11. Savi & Bil left by evening Mail for Cannanore with 1 basket. We all were busy whole morning making it & were quite done up.
Sil, Janavi & I cleaned the whole house as we expected Ambalavattom girls. Disappointed. All here but Ma, me& boys left for a moonlight stroll. Shanta is left in mine & Heera's care. Minded her till 10 p.m.
Despair & disappointment about Burma trip. Father visited & left in a temper.

Monday, 6th April 1914
I am suffering from cuts in my hands & feet owing to oysters. Balettan is bad with gum boil & did not go out much. What a quiet stay-at-home he is! Lucky, the girl who gets him.
Heera wrote to Thanku for Indumati.
Ate lots of sweets, remainder of Sr K's & Sr L's sweet taking. Sr L, Bil & Savi returned from Cannanore at 6. Sil, J& I visited Sr J's new house. Incomplete. At night Raviettan, Arjun, Sil P, J, Devika, Prasad, Devika & I went for a moonlight walk. Played in waves, sang & enjoyed ourselves.

Tuesday, 7th April 1914
Finished my muslin blouse full of cut insertions. For Rs 11 I have got a pretty blouse as I have worked it myself. Still working kerchiefs for Raviettan. What a quiet person he is!
Janavi got a parcel from Madras with presents for her teachers. All the girls passed this year.
Received 2 letters from R with enclosed letter for Janavi. He asked for Raviettan's wedding news & date of my trip to Rangoon. Wrote him a sad letter. Real despair in my heart.
Ma etc went for moonlight stroll.

Wednesday, 8th April 1914
3 eggs hatched out of 6 & I have 3 pretty black chicks. Noisy day. Mother is disgusted of the commotion. Raviettan & Prasad left for Cannanore to buy cloths. Heera left for Mahe to attend Kannan's wedding at 5 p.m. with her girls & Sr J. A.K. Janaki & Ravan came at 5 to see us & take Sil to Palghat tomorrow. Grand tea prepared by Sil & Janavi. Raviettan & P returned at 6 & visitors left. Munsiff's sisters-in-law came.
Sil & I hilarious at night. Laughter & jokes. Raviettan slept in boys' room. We fear flighty Mathu. Janavi & P slept downstairs.

Thursday, 9th April 1914
Mother, P, Prasad, Raviettan & Devika left for Mahe by Mail for Kannan's wedding. We were peaceful here but Sr L's children were very wild as Ma was not here to check them. Small Mathu was kitchen mistress. Sil & I hate her. Janavi read away. Convent closed yesterday.
I am making a bed for myself & Sil is working one for Arjun. Stitched kerchiefs. Found boys' photographs with Raviettan of two boys greatly resembling him. His sons.
Sil & I chatted away. Mahe party returned at 8. News & chats. I laughed too much. Heera did not return.
Fine moonlight. Long to go to Burma & see my Avu.

Friday, 10th April 1914
Today is Good Friday. Spent whole morning & noon making a new bed for me with check I bought yesterday & cotton from my old bed. Sil also made a bed for Arjun.
Suffering from womb pain.
Br Vasu surprised us by Mail. He bought crackers & we had good fun at night. P. Ravan came. Bil is here. Hubbub for dinner.
Listened to Br V,s harmonium. At 10 Ma & all of us with Brs R & V went to North beach & returned at 11. Wet with sea water. Slept late longing for my husband.

Saturday, 11th April 1914
Very noisy days. Boys & girls school closed so they do nothing but make mischief. Janavi spends the day like a grand madam reading. Education is a bar to helping at home. Mother is simply overburdened with work. Srr L very cool & lazy.
Bil here. Wish he would get some work & support his family. They are the worst trouble of Illam.
Sil busy preparing to go to Palghat. She has amassed debts. P. R comes often. At 9 p.m. Ma & all of us went for walk to North beach. Beseeched of Raviettan to marry, & take me to Burma.

Sunday, 12th April 1914
I have good sleep now. I get up latest here. Vishuettan is bad with piles & so is Raviettan. Both are taking Lehyam.
Washed & bathed. Br V has invited Janavi to Palghat & she is busy gathering clothes. Poor girl has no good blouse or jackets. Reluctantly I sold her my new muslin blouse.
P.R. Ibrahim visited. Hubbub. Sil is in a temper with P. She is always bad tempered when Br V is with him.
Received a letter from R asking me to go to him with Raviettan & about his rejected suit.
Ate Neyappam & Karayappam a lot. Listened to harmonium till 11.

Monday, 13th April 1914
Illam, Talai
Wrote a long letter to R. Awakened by an invitation from Alama to go to Thykkat. My heart is with spending Vishu at Illam with Brs R & V but I must go. Illam will be in the height of fun & joy this Vishu. Still, I go.
Left at 9 a.m. for Thykkat with Mohan in Jut. Anjali & Vasu are here. She is carrying heavily & looks a sight with a big stomach.
Sr Uku & children are pulling on well. Alama lean. Mohan flourishing in silk shirts. Grand breakfast. Sheristadai & boys & Vendota were present. I ate at 4 p.m.
Visited Pudiapura. No mention of Indrani's refusal. Returned to Thykkat. Slept very late. Chatted long. Anjali left for Kotieth.

Tuesday, 14th April 1914
Big Vishu, Talai, Illam
Got up at 5. Alama being unwell, assisted in Kani keeping. Fired crackers. Not much fun. Left for Illam at 9 with Father after visiting Pudiapura.
We had a really happy day here with Brs R & V. Miss Kumaranattan & my darling. Meal at 2 p.m. In company.
How funny Br V is! Piles still trouble him. Did some edging for Mundus bought from Thykkat. Sr Kunjira has lent me 3g bobbins.
Overfull visitors. Sr J & Co., Ibrahim & Co.
My letter to R left by today's mail.

Wednesday, 15th April 1914
Heard from R at evening ne Burma trip. Got up late. I have very good sleep & appetite now. I am turned very lazy to work. As I have given Janavi my muslin blouse began working a like blouse for me. Sil's machine will soon go so all are busy.
Janavi is unwell. Her untidiness makes me wild & I often scold her. Slept in the noon & took rice at 3 p.m. Sil is ever busy looking after Br V & Arjun. Hard times for her.
No work. Aunt K stayed here. K. M. comes often & is noisy & loud.
Parvathi's turkey was raffled today for Rs 3, a ticket worth 4 annas. Ma got it. Lehala over raffle so Ma was very angry. P. R dined here & was here till very late.

Thursday, 16th April 1914
Today is Vasuattan & Leela's birthday. Heera & girls returned at 10 from Mahe. Killed Parvathi's turkey & whole morning was spent cleaning & cooking it. Sil spent her money & Heera joined her & there was ghee rice & turkey stew for tiffin.
Somu is here. Boys & girls have good feed. Brs R & V, P. R & Prasad ate it for dinner. Treated Father when he came at 6.
Janavi busy machining her blouses to take to Palghat. No dinner as we ate ghee rice. Sad over coming parting with brothers. I shall feel wretched when Raviettan goes away. Discussed Burma trip with Aunt K who stays here.

Friday, 17th April 1914
Sil & Janavi busy preparing for departure to Palghat tomorrow. Fixing hooks, border etc. Sil takes J for selfish motives. I believe she wants company in order to live in her own house. Sil's good temper is much changed since Bil came.
Aunt K is here & helps Mother much. Noise & confusion at meals. Spent evening in working my muslin blouse. Anxious as Alama did not send for Mundus.
Raviettan showed me many photos, one of his girl-a beauty! Such a silent person as Raviettan I have not seen.
Sr L speaks of Burma trip even now.
Stitched at night also. Slept late.

Saturday, 18th April 1914
Vishuettan, Sil, Janavi & Arjun left by Mail for Palghat after lots of hubbub. We are all deeply anxious about Br Arjun who is in hospital with fever. Ma sent him a wire & he replied back to say that he is cured of it & there is no cause for anxiety.
The heat makes me very lazy & tired. Sil has taken her machine & my blouse is not completed. My chicks are growing fine. Aunt K stays here. Noisy days. Prasad & Raviettan left at 7 for Cannanore for cricket match. P. R left for Madras today.

Sunday, 19th April 1914
Sent a letter to Br V with report of Br K's health. Spent an idle day thinking very idle thoughts. I am sunk in sinful thoughts & may God cure me of this.
Parvathi has made a blue mercerised blouse. Father visited. He said that Potheri's son has asked for Indrani's hand. Another news that Baby proposed for her.
Sr J, S & children visit.
Our Burma trip once & for all given up. Feel crushed & broken hearted & was in an awful temper. Heard from R enquiring about Burma trip.

Monday, 20th April 1914
Reading "Lady Babbority," by Snaith.
Busy morning washing & bathing. Raviettan is busy packing for Burma & my heart is like lead within me. Life will be unendurable when he goes away. How shall I live.
Raviettan borrowed Rs 150 from bank (for jewels) from trip & Burma debt. He went to Kurup. Saw Auntie & Grandma.
Sr L is steeped in want. Her sons are wicked. Aunt R is unwell. Children till late with Raviettan & all on Illam affairs. Wrote a p.c. To Janavi.

Tuesday, 21st April 1914
Today was a very unhappy day for me. Raviettan leaves tomorrow. Prasad goes to Madras & Heera & Leela to Palghat to treat polyps. All my prayers & hopes of the last 15 months have been shattered. I feel heart broken.
Learned pillow lace insertion. I am working it with Yashoda'a pillow & bobbins. Received chemises to be worked from Thykkat. Wrote to R. Bil is come. PreParvathions for tomorrow's departures. Miserable & in tears.

Wednesday, 22nd April 1914
A sad day of parting. R left for Burma taking Prasad as far as Madras. Heera & Leela left for Palghat. All my chances of seeing my Avu this year are gone & dark despair reigns in my heart.
Worked pillow insertion. Thank God I have something interesting to do. Sharada came with children & I chatted with her upstairs. Mohan & Varadhan are gone to Mahe so house is dull. Heat unbearable.

Thursday, 23rd April 1914
Mother sent Koyan to Talai to enquire about Father's health. He is better of his fever & asthma. Arjunn bought me a letter from Father. Indrani is engaged to Kunchambu Vakil's son.
MC at a.m. & pain in the noon. Took aspirin pills. Old servant P.Kannan came from Palghat bringing Janavi's letter etc.
Sharada came upstairs at 5 & I cut out a blouse for her. Worked Anjali's son's wrappers. Wrote to Devika & Miss Aarons. Aching pain at night. Tara sleeps with me.

Friday, 24th April 1914
Am untouchable. Worked pillow insertion in the morning & Anjali's chemises in the afternoon. She sent mad Mannan for them& I had to send word that they were unfinished.
Boys very unruly & wild specially Mani. I dread his future.
Heard from Raviettan at Madras & from Heera. Br & Prasad are with Dr M.L. Bangara. Sharada came & stitched her blouse & chatted. Heat has become insufferable. There were slight showers last night. Feel dirty without a bath.

Saturday, 25th April 1914
Bathed early morning & was cleansed & refreshed. Ma scolded me for using warm water & I was vexed-my only luxury here.
Spent whole day working Anjali's chemises. Great trouble-no machine.
There was a p.c. From Br K. He is still in hospital at Dehra. His fever has left. Uncle is spreading news that he has failed in his exams. God grant his ill health may not affect final results.
Sharada came late. Bil came at 7 p.m. & stayed here. Both my appetite & temper are bad. God give me pure thoughts.

Sunday, 26th April 1914
Got up late. My mind is against the idle life I lead. I wish I helped Mother more. Spent morning at pillows. Heat unbearable so had a bath at 2. Parvathi, Tara & I visited Sr J's. Saw all Sharada's pillow laces. All together visited Kalathil & returned home at 6.
Leela's polyps has been removed. Heera wrote. Br V had a wire from Br K that he has a relapse of fever. All here miserably anxious. Letter from R.

Monday, 27th April 1914
We are all deeply anxious about Br Kumaran's health. His horoscope was examined & there is nothing to fear. At noon a wire was sent to him with reply prepaid asking for news.
Worked pillow lace & a pair of socks. Received a huge packet of Mundus to be edged from Thykkat. Nuisance machine is away. Sharada came & stitched her blouse. Tomorrow is the Kettukayattal of their house. Aunt Kousu came with sweets. Mother sent Keyallappam. We were busy at night making it.
At 9 p.m. Went with Sr J etc & saw Kuttipooja from their Parambu.
Ma & all of us are sunk in anxiety about Br K.

Tuesday, 28th April 1914
Received Br K's wire. "Fever 102. Not least cause anxiety. Best medical attendance." This does not reassure us. Heard from Janavi Br V had a wire from Raviettan to go to Delhi as he is really very ill. Kept this news from Mother as she is already prostrate with grief.
Had letters from R & Miss Aarons alao. Wrote to Raviettan, Heera, Janavi, R & Br K. A long letter to latter about his health etc. May God spare Kumaranattan's life. He is all our hope & support. Mercy!

Wednesday, 29th April 1914
Father visited. Gave R's letter. Mother wired Rs 25 to Kumaranattan this morning & that fool of a Mohan failed to put in our message. We had no news whatever today of Br K & are very anxious.
Alama of Thykkat visited at 11 to enquire about Br K. Bathed Tara, washed & bathed myself by 2. Tara misses Heera but does not show it much. I snub her when she is fussy.
Kousuammama came twice from sr J's.
Sr J's house is being roofed.
Very warm so I do without a jacket. Had a letter from Prasad. He is with Dr. Bangara at Maharaja's hostel. Br S & he start on 29th.
Edged Munundus & slept late.

Thursday, 30th April 1914
Parvathi is bad since yesterday with fever. She is better today. Finished 4th round insertion. Spent whole morning at it & minded Shanta too. She is full of itch & can talk well now.
Aunt Kousu & Mohan went to Dharmadam. Mohan is fast turning a man & I fear for his morals. He is a glutton & a conceited fellow.
Sharada came & stitched her blouse.
No news of Br K today also so wired him to inform daily. We are very anxious.
Heat unbearable. Slept at noon. Kousuammama sleeps here.

May 1914

Friday, 1st May 1914
Father visited at evening. Had 2 telegrams from Br K. 1st saying that fever was 100C & 2nd that fever was 99C at 2 p.m. today. Greatly relieved in mind. God be praised! He is a merciful Father.
Worked 8 flowers of insertion. We were surprised by arrival of Palghat party by Mail. Br S & Prasad came from Madras. Former left for Mahe. Janavi very glad to be back. Chatted away at evening & till late at night all Palghat news. Br V may leave for Dehra today accompanied by Dr M.L.Bangara.
Slight rain & a bit cool.

Saturday, 2nd May 1914
How lazy the heat makes me! I got up at 8.30 today. Worked insertion till 2. SuKumaranan, Cousalia etc came to invite for Indrani's wedding. They had tea here. I am asked to go to Gokul soon & my head is full of the wedding.
Had a wire from Br K. His fever is 99C. Thank God! Sharada came & took crochet pattern. Discussed Br S's indifference. Shanta very playful. Read a little & went late to bed.

Sunday, 3rd May 1914
I have a headache daily now owing to the heat. Worked pillow insertion. Gave Conjee to boy & girl regiments. Washed & bathed by 12. Janavi & I keep chatting whole day & I taught her pillow insertion. Sharada came at 6 & stitched her blouse. I am working an embroidered spray on the pink blouse Sil gave me to wear for Indrani's wedding. Father disappointed.
Sent Alama's Mundus to her by Mannan who came for them. Prasad returned from Cannanore at 6. His temper after Madras trip is horrid.

Monday, 4th May 1914
Kumaranattan's wire says, " Temperature normal yesterday today. Stopping wiring. Shall write daily instead." A load is off our minds.
Br S came at 10 from Mahe & returned at evening. Chatted with him. Tara is 7 years old today.
Received Rs 40 from Raviettanu. Disappointed Father did not come. Anxious about R. No letter. I have tasted real hunger now. Janavi very kind to me. Heard Br V may be transferred to Ooty.

Tuesday, 5th May 1914
Worked pillow lace & my muslin blouse for Parvathi to wear for I's wedding. Heat still great. Slight drizzle last night & today. No letter from R. Anxious . Wrote to him, & a long one to Br K.
Father visited & was cool & indifferent. Uncle is spreading news that we borrowed Rs 500 from Auditor & that he will marry P. Monstrous. Passions awake.

Wednesday, 6th May 1914
Slept badly.bad thoughts. Today I am miserable. No one came for me from Pudiapura & what a disappointment.
Heard from R at Namtu dated 24/4. His probation ceased owing to neglect of duty & he leaves for Mandalay. God have mercy on him, poor darling. Wrote to him to Mandalay. I trust in God.
Br S is here & I chatted long. We all went for moonlight stroll to North Beach. God give me submission & peace.

Thursday, 7th May 1914
Left for Pudiapura at 7 a.m. After Heera, Janavi etc left for Mahe. Indrani's wedding. Met a number of people. Alama is dressing the bride who is shy & silent. White silk saree with embroidery with white silk jacket. Very pretty. Wedding party reached at 10 by Mail & left by Mail. Good meals but number of curries small. Over by 12 a.m. & party left by Mail for Cannanore.
Busy day. Visited Thykkat but stayed at Gokul. House packed with people. Felt out of sorts but chatted away the time. Bharati, P.C.Yashoda, Sr Rohini & Co; Arat & many others here.

Friday, 8th May 1914
As there is a tea party at Kunhambu Vakil's, Salkaram is tomorrow. Bridegroom Kunhikannan is black as jet but good looking. Wonder how Indrani will like him. Went to Thykkat & bathed. Anjali is carrying very heavily. Her children are at Kotieth.
Pudiapura folks are the biggest hypocrites I have seen. They are all busy praising themselves & their wedding. Very noisy here specially at mealstime. Not very grand. Bharati is very proud & cold towards me. Too crowded to suit my comforts here.

Sunday, 9th May 1914
Indrani & her husband arrived at 10. She pretended to be shy at first but was with her husband mostly. Grand tea at 10. Grand rice & curry at 1. Ghee rice & stew for tea. This was the Salkaram. All spent very economically & barely sufficient.
Heera & all here asking vulgar questions. Heera is lust mad. These are a shameless set & fortune smiles on them!
Visited Thykkat. Already there is indifference shown me from here. Money is everything in this world & we have little of it. Slept in middle room downstairs & bride & groom slept upstairs.

Sunday, 10th May 1914
Talai/Illam
Sr Kunhanni & children left at 6 a.m. for Calicut. Bride & groom & Madavi & girls left by Local at 9 for Cannanore. Vasu left. Bharati is gone to hers. Visited Thykkat & bathed. They pressed me to stay but refused as I am home sick. I feel very very sad thinking of R & my fate.
Dr Achuthan came by mail from Bellary on 3 months leave. I returned to Illam with father on foot leaving Gokul almost empty. Suspicious behavior there about not getting .... I loathe their meanness. Home is best. Chatted long.

Monday, 11th May 1914
Heavy sleep. My mind dwells on the folks at Pudiapura. They are bent on getting me in their power somehow.
I shallbeware of them.
Sr Sharada, SriDevi, & Bhaskaren came by Mail. SriDevi is a beauty 7 has passed Third Form. Her wedding is cancelled. Bhaskaren in fourth class. We had very decent meals here.
Knitting socks. Janavi crocheting. Peace here as Mohan & Vasu are at Mahe with C & girls. At 6 Sr S, Sr L, Janavi, SriDevi & boys went to Dharmadam & returned at 9. Dinner in company. News in galore. Shanta talks well. Heard from Br Arjun. He is better but still in hospital.

Tuesday, 12th May 1914
Assisted in kitchen as Sr S is still here. SriDevi is unwell so their return is delayed. We all went to Kalathil & bathed. Did pillow & knitting at 4.
Sr S, Mohan, Bhaskaren & I visited Pershkars & Narangapuram. Had tea & talk in both places & returned at 7.30 walking.
Excited over Br V's letter with Br K's enclosed about my writing painful things to Raviettan in bed. Slept late after chatting a deal.

Wednesday, 13th May 1914
Great trouble as our well was cleaned lately & water is scarce. Sr S still here. She goes to Kalathil often. Janavi looks to SriDevi's comforts. Br S was here & gave me lots of news about Bil Auditor, Raviettan, Uncle etc.
Received clothes from Gokul & sent back Y's umbrella. Ate good sweets sent by Kunju to Prasad. We hear from Br K daily. Much better.
Miserably anxious. No news of R. God guide & protect him.
Music at night by Sr L & SriDevi. Worked pillow insertion.
Mani is a wicked boy.

Thursday, 14th May 1914
Wrote to R. Sr Sharada, SriDevi & Bhaskaren left by 10 a.m. Local for Cannanore. They plucked their mangoes from Kalam.
What a very busy morning today. P,J & I went to Kalam to wash & bathe. I did heap of washing. Breakfasted heartily at 2.30 p.m. Br S here making arrangements for our Valliyar trip.
Father visited & gave lots of Talai news. We are very miserable about R.
Heat unbearable. Slept at noon. Old Choyyichi is come from Badagara with Raman.

Friday, 15th May 1914
Valliyar
Early at 8, Ma, J, Br S, Prasad & I left for Valliyar. Tiring Jut journey & walk through fields. Reached Aroonda at 11. Saw Father's Tharavad for first time. The house is more than 100 years old. Neatly kept though very old fashioned. Lay down till mealtime at 2. Fowl curry etc. At 2, J, Rohini & I left for Mamba & bathed. After tea Br S, Ma, J & I went for a walk. Rainy. Chatted with Br S. Sr Mathu all Logyam. Others here are Srs Cheru & Kunhippas & Rohini with 4 boys. Feel tired & lay down most of the time. Dined at 4 & slept upstairs. Good sleep.

Saturday, 16th May 1914
Got up at 7, had coffee & Puttu & we all walked to Kuthuparambu. Prasad leaving on bike to Illam. Had tea at Br Chathukutty's. Met Rohini & Srs & her mad aunt. Reached Illam at 1 in transit. Br S chatting away. He left after breakfast for Mahe.
Received letters from Brs R & K. Latter takes rice & is recovering, thank God. Parvathi & I had a tiff over Raviettan's letter. Sr L's children are very bad tempered. Wrote a short letter to Br V enclosing Br K's & a very long one to Br Kumaran.

Sunday, 17th May 1914
Took castor oil. Feel quite tired. P too took oil so she prepared all food & drink for me.
Worked pillow insertion. I have done 3 yards for a blouse. Mohan has fever. All boys idle away their time.
Today is Panangudan Sunamma's wedding. Varad & Devika went. Father visited at 3.30. Devika is come from Madras. Mohan is trying to for a Sub Registrars post.
Cook Ramen came. Choyyichi is here still. Both pose as equals.
We got sardines today after 4 months.

Monday, 18th May 1914
Heard that Anjali gave birth to a boy last night at 11 p.m. Finished 3 socks. Spent whole morning washing & bathing at Kalathil with j 7 boys 7 girls. Meal at 2.30. No coffee.
Tiff with P who is trying to boss over me. Misery has again taken possession of me on account of the absence of R's letters. May God have pity on me & give unto me Peace.

Tuesday, 19th May 1914
I feel inclined to do nothing but think of R & his not writing to me. God grant I may not lose touch with him. Sorrow has embittered my life & my temper is horrid.
Prasad returned at night from Mahe with some boar flesh. Ripe jack for tiffin sent from Valliyar. Bearing letter from Br V Rose goes tomorrow. Sil spends a week at Ooty with Apothecary's people. Janavi unwell & in pain. Peace has departed from my heart & I feel sick of life. Wrote to Brs V & R.

Wednesday, 20th May 1914
Talai
Left for Thykkat at 9. Glad to see Devika & boys there. Srinee is a very jolly boy & came to me. Anjali's boy is very pink. Gave him 3 pairs of socks. Sr Uku & children left by Mail for Cannanore to live in separate house for 3 months. Mohan left for Ooty today for a job.
Visited Pudiapura & returned with Devika to Illam at 4. She alighted & left after tea. I was ashamed of dirty Illam.
With all these joys of today I am in despair at not hearing from R. Had a letter from Raviettan.

Thursday, 21st May 1914
M.C. Last night & great pain till 2 p.m. Ate nothing till then but lay down reading. Am weary & anxious about R. Does he understand my misery? But prayer bring peace.
What noisy days Illam is having! Janavi had a p.c. from Br K who will leave hospital shortly.
Father visited. He saw Devika today. Father looks very ill. Bil is come, & all children with Sr L & Parvathi went to see Bioscope at 9. Minded Shanta. Pain at night too.

Friday, 22nd May 1914
Unbearable heat & mosquitoes. Shanta & the return of the Bioscope party gave me a restless night. Went to Kalam & bathed as our water is too bad. Lay down whole day. Distressed at Ma's hard work. Illam is nearing perdition. Bil here. No sign of his getting a job. Sr J, Sharada etc do not come here now. Heera wries often from Mahe.
My mind is filled with bad thoughts.

Saturday, 23rd May 1914
5 years
What an unhappy anniversary! 5 years of misery! I am in a bad temper. Lost appetite. I speak my mind too freely to all. Parvathi is a terrible fault finder among servant children & elders, disgustingly so.
Ate our sweet ripe jack of Valliya Parambu & lots of mangoes, pappaya sent by Kundan M. Latter busy with son's wedding. Also Aunt K who came today also.
Sharada visited. Heat very great. I wear no jacket now. Prasad had a p.c. from Br K. Reading "A Girl from the South," by Garvice.

Sunday, 24th May 1914
Mother, Varad & Devika left for Mahe by 7 a.m. by Local with a lot of mangoes & vegetables. P & I bathed from Kalam till 10. We visited Sr J's.
Had a good mango feed today 1st time this season. Grafted mango crop very poor.
Srs Ramani & Madhavi came from Dharmadam to Sr J's & left at evening for Mahe. Father visited. Awful sad no news fro R. His last letter dates 24-4-'14.

Monday, 25th May 1914
Feel quite gloomy & lazy & did nothing but gave myself up to dark thoughts. I dread for the future of Illam. There is little hope of Bil providing for his children & they will prove a burden. God, what children these are & there seems likelihood of a speedy increase in their numbers.
God is merciful & I heard from R. He is at Maymyo, the summer resort of the Lt. Governor of Burma, trying for a job.
Spent the evening speaking to Ayah Matha who is come.

Tuesday, 26th May 1914
What a relief I heard from R yesterday! Washed from Kalam & bathed here. Our water is still yellow. Ayah Matha is proving a nuisance.
How lazy I am! I do nothing!
Thank God Sr L had her MC & my doubts are cleared. Met Sharadaat evening. Sr K busy with K M's son's wedding. Mother & Co; returned by night train from Mahe. Prasad heard from Raviettan urging him to study. Wrote to R & Raviettan.

Wednesday, 27th May 1914
I spend my days in idle thoughts now. A good thought does not enter my mind & I am always boding ill. Not a spark of joy does life hold for me. Today for instance I did nothing but lie down dreaming idly. Janavi went to Convent & has studies in earnest.
Girls, K.P.Sharada & Pussy passed school Final.
I feel giddy & lazy for work. Packed 50 mangoes to send to Kumaranattan. Sermonized in kitchen as I am often in the habit of doing.

Thursday, 28th May 1914
Spent whole morning in dressing wedding party. P, Ma, Devika, Varad & Dev with Aunt R went to K M's & Janavi, Mohan & Kali to the brides house. Wedding party came at 4 p.m. & returned at 6. Sr L & I & girls went to Kalam & Sr J's to see them.
Illam was quiet & peaceful. Father visited & I gave him news of R. Pullambil people came at 7. At night high words between Prasad & I. It would have ended in kicks & blows but J & P intervened. The rascal seems out of his mind. Tears at fate.

Friday, 29th May 1914
I keep always thinking of the deep insult I suffered at Prasad's hands. He is a demon when roused to anger. Kumaranattan's behavior to Father one day is brought to mind.
Spent an idle day without an object to make life liveable. No good thoughts or words or deeds to lift one on. What a life!
Pudiapura Heera, Madhavi, Sarojini & Pankam visited at 5. Tea, mangoes & jack. Fuss & talk, left at 6.
Worked some pillow lace. Sr L is very touchy now & resents least fault finding.

Saturday, 30th May 1914
Parvathi is unwell. Heera is expected tomorrow. I am ashamed of my laziness. Read awy whole day, "The Hounds of the Baskervilles," & "Boothby, A Millionaire's Love Story." Interesting.
Washed & bathed from here though our water is muddy. Shanta talks now & amuses me much at times. Kali too is unwell, so Ma & Sr L worked hard. Mother is ever busy from early morn to evening. What a contrast to me, so much younger & stronger! God help me to cure laziness.
Rainy evening-first rains. Still heat untolerable.

Sunday, 31st May 1914
Heera & girls with Br S came from Mahe at 10 a.m. Tara has itch all over her face owing to heat. Worked in kitchen till meal time as Kali is unwell. Chatted long with Br S, Janavi & myself. Somaeswara Davay wrote to him he is coming to see Father about debts.
Had long letter from R at Maymyo. He's workless but speaks of coming to Mahe after saving some Rupees. He gives Maymyo address. Father visited & I gave all news. Kundan Maistry behaves abominably.

June 1914

Monday, 1st June 1914
Mother was in a temper over the remarks I passion about K.M.'s airs & there was great unpleasantness before Br S. I was in a vile temper & spoke harshly. God grant me control over my thoughts & words.
Spent an idle day & earned Ma's rebuke. Now she works every minute. Our old servants Kannan, Latha, Achu, Nani & Panju came & stayed here as their Kalyanam is tomorrow from Muzhikara. Mathu is now at Bangalore & gets Rs 9 monthly.
Ate Jillaibies to our full at night.

Tuesday, 2nd June 1914
Tala & 3 children, Kannan & Raman, our old servants are here.Today is Nani's & Panju's Kalyanam, so with the party Sr L & I also left for Muzhikara in Jut. Reached there at 12. Tiny hut & no Avastha at all. We both dressed the girls near the tank. Poor meals. Returned home at 5 tired.
I had a note from Hd. Gunasthen about Kalathil house which Prasad replied. P & I don't speak to each other. Sharada & children visited. Kanti is very mischievous. S's husband came after long entanglement. Letter to R at Maymyo.

Wednesday, 3rd June 1914
Busy washing day for P, C, & me till 12. Used Kuni water as our well is almost dry. Water horrid. Routine for girls began. They attended school. Tara has itch on her face.
Reading Garvice's "Fatal Ruby." Received 3 long letters fro R & Brs R & V. R wants to know who were indifferent & contemptuous at Talai. Br V described Nellacottta & his dull life. Wrote a long letter to Raviettan. Auditor is repeatedly troubling for P's hand. His debt worries us. Villianous!
At 9 p.m. first heavy rains this year.

Thursday, 4th June 1914
Working 4 handkerchiefs for R. We had good rains for the first time this year today. Thank God.
Mother is annoyed at us (me specially ) for not working in the kitchen.
Janavi has nearly finished botanical drawings for Br K. Aunt K came & showed off her airs. Father visited & left in a temper at my dictating to him as he calls my way of speaking. I cannot tolerate his grand airs sometimes. Wrote a long letter to Vasuattan.

Friday, 5th June 1914
What rain! It never stopped till 12 noon pouring away. A pleasant change from the heat. Washed & bathed. Ma & Parvathi went for Kurup Ravan's wedding with Vilandy Narayani & returned at 5.
Sheela & Tara did not go to school. Ate ripe mangoes, now on the wane. Worked kerchiefs, my mind a' wool gathering. Boys worrying for books. Bil is come with intent to go to Wynad. Reading "Fatal Ruby."

Saturday, 6th June 1914
Slight rain at morning but it cleared by noon & there was sunshine. Parvathi is ever busy helping Mother. She assists in kitchen & looks after the goats too. There are 5 goets in all, 2 big & 3 small.
Nil left for Calicut enroute to Wynad. God grant he may be employed & Sr L's troubles end. Busy with kerchiefs. There is party spirit at Illam. Heera asserts hers & her girls rights decidedly. Chatted with Janavi after school. Ma has bought 5 sacks of paddy for the rains.

Sunday, 7th June 1914
K.M's son & daughter came. Washed & bathed. Sunshiny morning but it rained all noon. Went to Sr J's new house. Walls are being Chunnamed & windows put in. Sewed kerchief. There are lots of jumblums at Sr J' house & we ate a lot.
Boys busy buying books. Sr L's Koran is here looking half dead but he works well. Tala does not come. Shanta is become big & her temper has improved. Discussed Raviettan's wedding & bride. None chosen. Father visited.

Monday, 8th June 1914
No rain at all. Busy drying & pounding paddy here. Nothing prepared for the rains. Heera, Sr L & P very busy helping Ma. I ground a little. Marked R's kerchiefs. I am hard up now & wish someone would help me.
Janavi heard from Raviettan. He will bring her a silk saree. Boys & girls had school. Janavi chats about school. I was ill temperer at dinner.

Tuesday, 9th June 1914
Yesterday Parvathi's kid David died of strangulation & we had a good feed of its flesh. Packed & sent R's birthday gift but it was not taken from P.O. I was quite disappointed & angry.
Ma is vexed with me for being indifferent to household affairs. She is in a bad temper owing to increased expenses & no money. Instead of curry & rice we had stew & breadfor dinner. What a good feed. I am over full.
Received Rs 5 from Br K & Rs 15 from Br V.

Wednesday, 10th June 1914
Shanta is 2 years old today. Her birthday was celebrated with Chakka curry for tiffin which we had tooo much.
Small Mathu is at Kurup House. Peace here after schools reopened. Heera bad & in need of money for girl's books. Ma has increased expenses & is mad. Parvathi had words with me & Janavi. She wants to boss everyone. Tiffs are very frequent.
Heard from R. He has fever. Heera is always speaking of going to Salem with Br K. R's gift was sent.

Thursday, 11 June 1914
Received Raviettan's M.O. For Rs 45; 30 for Ma & 15 for distribution. I have a Rupee & 2/6th for Asthma medicine. I have strange ache above the eyes these past three days. Washed 7 bathed reluctantly. My temper is bad & spirits low.
Father came & I gave him the Rupee for the medicine. Is it a hoax? He is anxious about R who has fever.
No rain. Worked pillow lace.

Friday, 12th June 1914
I ground coconut today & the exertion drove me in a temper. Had meals at 1 p.m. after a cup of coffee. Minded Shanta almost whole day. She talks well & amuses & loves me much.
Life is minus joy for me & I feel hopeless. Maven's bad friends making bad remarks about our strangled goat etc. Maven, i fear will turn out a rake.
Frogs are croaking in the fields but there is no rain.

Saturday, 13th June 1914
Very rainy day. Sr. Rose sent word to visit her but I did not go today. Ate Jack & nut. Big Mathu, our old servant came with Palaharam. She is gone very grand since she became Ayah at Rs 11/- & wears saree etc.
Washed & bathed. Felt lazy. Heera Sr L pound rice now. Ma is ever busy.
No school for boys. Girls had great trouble walking to school in rains. Heera is a sad plight without a pie. May God deliver us from all our troubles soon.

Sunday, 14th June 1914
Ramen & mathu here. Latter gave us news of his life at Madras & Bangalore. Crocheting lace for Sr Uku. P,J & C busy washing & bathing. Salkaram at K.M's so Aunt K, Devika, Prasad & Damuty went. Kunjuamama & Madavi visited. Father came & bought Asthma medicine well packed. He says oil cannot be sent by post.
K.M's loud ways very annoying. He goes too far. Wrote to Janavi at night. Mathu, Ramen & Panju stays here. Rainy evening.

Monday, 15th June 1914
Illam, Thykkat
Ida Conceicas died today. Dressed to go to to Convent to see Sr Rose but owing to rain & dearth of Jutkas had to forego the trip. Was disappointed. Janavi left with a big face.
Washed lazily in rain. At 1 p.m. Devika & Mr Gopal came to take me to Thykkat to stay a week there. After a hurried bath left with them for Moracoon. What a respected lady Devika's Mil is, and what a dear fellow is Srini. Had tea at Moracoon & left at 4 for Thykkat with D, Mr G & baby. Anjali & 5 children there. Very lively. Devika, Anjali & myself chatted away.

Tuesday, 16th June 1914
Thykkat
We slept in North room downstairs. I have lost some of my self consciousness in these persons' presence.
Anjali's baby is very dark. Her Mil is slightly better of her diabetes boil. Mr G visited. What a Devoted husband & father he is!
Alama attending to Mohan. He has stopped studies & is trying for a Sub Registrar's job.
Meals late but very good. I eat little. Devika & I visited Pudiapura. Madavi, Alama & girls went to Cannanore. Returned & talked away about the flighty ways of Pudiapura folks.

Wednesday, 17th June 1914
Heard of Ida Conceicas's sad death. Thykkat ways are a contrast to Illam. Plenty reigns here. Anjali is stingy. Her girls are a bit self willed being spoiled by father, grandpa & grandma. Anjali checks them.
Mohan is crazy about stylish clothes & drives Alama mad with his extravagance. He is very witty & teases the children. Vasu is a very pretty boy & Srini the best tempered child.
Received Balettan's medicine & letters from Brs R & K from Illam through Mamman. Devika etc slept upstairs but I stayed down.

Thursday, 18th June 1914
Thykkat
MC early morning. Had very great pain & lay down, eating nothing. All here shocked. I feel quite ill & miserable.
Mohan is gone to Cannanore to see Sr Uku & family. Gopal is ill. Devika gets milk twice daily from Moracoon. She is blessed in every way. She wants to buy me a Mercerised saree & that hurts my pride.
I was very proud to get R's letter. He is cured of fever & expects to get a job soon. We chatted of him all day.
Pain at night too. Cheriamma is here.

Friday, 19th June 1914
Thykkat
Not a day passes without our speaking of R. He is not unloved. Took a bath early & I was cleansed. I have slight pain still. Spent the day in edging for Alama & P. I love little Srini. He is very playful & tries to talk. He calls me Njaminjayi.
Mr G visited. We had Chakka curry. Meals grand, mutton & good fish daily. Discussed sarees & blouses. Devika has some very pretty ones. Ammalu & Mavu quite free with me now.
Slept at 11. Sad I missed this week's Burma mail.

Saturday, 20th June 1914
Thykkat, Illam
Devika has given me 5 Rs to buy a mercerised saree etc. Devika, Srini, Prasad & I left Thykkat. Devika left me here but did not alight. Glad to be back home & am in the best of spirits. Br S is here & he,C, P, Prasad & I went to Dharmadam in pouring rainat 3 & returned at 6 p.m. after seeing our Parambu.
Janavi glad to have me back. Heard very painful details of Ida's death & feel very sad. Janavi has bought a black mercerised saree. Aunt K is here & her Salkaram is tomorrow. I entirely disapprove of it taking place from here.

Sunday, 21st June 1914
Today was the Salkaram for the couple married lately.Guests were K.M. His son & wife & daughter, Kurup Ravan, wife & her mother, I. P.Nani's mother & sister & K.M's niece Baba besides the men of these people. A low set altogether & I was in a sneering mood. K.M's airs displeased us. Aunty's eyes are blind & she is K.M's abject slave.
Everything passage off noisily & grandly. Good feed of ghee rice etc. Sharada & girls came. Father visited & had tea. Noisy day altogether. No peace. Br S is here & we all chatted at night. Hearty mood.

Monday, 22nd June 1914
Janavi is unwell & had pain. Spent whole morning taking down quotations from great authors & afterwards in stitching. Bought a black mercerised saree & fixed my Ooty velvet border on it. It looks sombre yet grand.
Very rainy day. Aunt K is here & K.M. comes too often. Br S went to Cannanore on business & returned at 6. We receive Vachati Ananten's interest ( Rs 800 ) & Ma cleared K. M's debts.

Tuesday, 23rd June 1914
Broke Cochin lamp early morning. Washing & bathing day. A little sunshine in the morning. Janavi & boys & girls went went to school. Prasad is studying half heartedly. Sky clears between us.
Aunt K is here. She would much like to make Illam the trysting place of K. M. & herself. Fine!
Heard from Raviettan about parcel & from R thanking for kerchiefs. He is still jobless. Wrote a very long letter & a p.c. To Miss Aarons. Old memories wake up now & then.

Wednesday, 24th June 1914
Convent visit
Visited convent at 9 a.m. Spoke to Sr Rose for an hour. She wants me to continue studies or to teach infants. Pleaded inability & walk. Religious discussion in which we differed. Sr Rose & I have drifted apart from this visit probably because she did not gain any selfish end. Now I know how narrow minded the nuns are.
Spent 2 hours in the Infant Classes with Srs Rosalie & Veronica. Recreation in 6th Form & afternoon in Miss Saldanha's needlework class. Made friends with her, Stella Joseph & Jackie Mathew. Returned home at 5
in Jut. Tara has an attack of asthma. Br S is here. Chatted with all.

Thursday, 25th June 1914
Heard from Br V yesterday. Sil & Arjun have gone to Vellacotta. Received Raviettan's parcel, full of seeds from Burma, dolls for girls, picked & jam & letter paper for us all. Glad.
Akkarakunnathu Devi was delivered of a girl today, her second child. Those people have driven K.Kannan's wife Madathil Kunjimatha out.
Went & saw Sr J's house where furniture is being brought. Br S was here & I chatted away with him about religion & the nuns. Aunt K here. K.M. is quite at home & ate & bathed from here driving me & Janavi mad.
Father visited. Wrote a very long letter to Raviettan. Rainy day. Sulkiness is creeping into me, a reaction of recent hilarity.

Friday